In the Midst of Day to Day…

Hebrews 12:14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:

Flowers

What a lovely day, today. I harvested some garlic scapes, I took Mike to Bennett House, then I went downtown to The Shops. No finding what I wanted, and I ended up going home to meet with Robert for a few minutes.

Then back out. I managed to make it to the post office, the market, and a few other spots. When I went to pick up Mike, he looked at me and said, Oh! Do I get out of jail now? (LOLOL) But he wasn’t laughing! He wasn’t happy today at all. Because I had so many errands to run I didn’t get to do anything specific with the garden except the garlic.

Tonight we also went to Wednesday night dinner and church services. Mike has been, mostly, mild in his actions and attitude. He did ask for the keys to the ride mower today and I told him no. He just sighed and walked away.

I talked to a young man at church and asked if he knew how to put in an outside water line with a couple of faucets and he said yes. So he’s going to come over to the house and see what supplies he needs. I hope this works out.

For now, it seems, Mike is doing well. No big upsets, no big outbursts, no big confrontations. I am feeling a little less stressed about being home so much – I have a few hours a week just for me. I have gotten my personal doctor’s appointments set for the times Mike is at Bennett House and I continue to keep on top of finances, meds, housework, yardwork (I really need help here), and a variety of other chores.

A rainy day

1 Thessalonians 5:23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Along the roadside, near Cataldo Mission, Idaho March 2017

With a loud clap of thunder, followed by lightening – I sat up in bed and grinned. I love storms! This one was moving at a pretty good pace, but it still managed to produce several more claps of thunder as it rolled it’s way through. I snuggled back into my blankets, after all, it was only 4:30 in the morning. I was up and moving, for the day at 7:30, and I had really enjoyed being able to fall back to sleep so easily after the storm.

I went to get Mike up at 9, and he’d already gotten himself awake and was just beginning to get dressed. When he came into the living room, he saw a turkey hen, with at least 9 chicks, wandering through the back yard. We left for the chiropractor’s office at 9:30.

We finished the appointment, and went to Elmer’s for brunch. I had strawberry waffles, and Mike had fish & chips, and home from there. When we pulled into the driveway, Caden was sitting in front of the planter putting the rocks into a tub. Bless his heart! I was tickled to see him doing that for Grandma. I need to make sure I have some snacks for him, if he choses to come back and do more. 🙂 Mike sat on the sofa and took a 2 hour nap, and then went downstairs to watch tv. I went to my office and worked on the diamond painting project. I am now about 1/4 of the way done.

Though I went out to check on my garden this afternoon, I didn’t do anything with it. It was chilly out, and damp. I tend to get a sore throat if I get chilled and damp and I didn’t want to risk it. So basically I didn’t do any outside projects at all today – though I have been thinking about what I should consider tackling next, after I finish with the garden area. This evening more rain, more thunder, again it didn’t last long.

I also have a couple of “in the house” projects that are waiting to be completed. Mostly I am waiting on a bookcase to arrive, and I will attempt to put it together myself. I have 2 matching file cabinets in the office, sitting side by side, and the bookcase will be put on top of the cabinets. Another project I have to finish is changing all my plastic hangers for wooden ones. I have to wait for the rest of the hangers to arrive. Soon the closet will be completed; and once the bookcase is together, I am hoping to finish organizing the office. (Though that might be a miscalculation)

Mike was testy this evening. He had picked his wallet up, carried it to the family room, and then forgot where he put it. He told me he had searched every where and he must have left it in the car. I assured him he had taken it with him when he went to watch tv, but he argued with me and refused to believe me. He started out to the garage, and I went into the family room, picked up his wallet and carried it out to the garage to show him. He told me I was over reacting. I asked him why he didn’t believe me and he asked me if this was worth an upset. I stated, “it’s not just this, it’s every time I tell you where something is, you refuse to believe me, and continue to search. Why don’t you trust me enough to accept what I am telling you?” His response. “Okay, Okay! I get it” (But does he really?) By this time it was 9:45 and I asked him to just go to bed since it was almost 10 pm. He looked at me and told me, “Don’t pressure me, I am going to watch tv.” (sigh) However, I checked on him at 10:15 and he did turn off the tube and now he’s in his room, door closed, lights off! (Yea!)

Tomorrow is a day at Bennett House for Mike – I think I’m going to go downtown and do some shopping.

Oops, my arms hurt

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.

Me and Mike in Iceland, doing the Golden Circle Tour, August 2017

It begun as a typical day. Mike was upstairs about 11:10, took his meds, and it was time to leave for Bennett House. While he was there, I went to coffee with a friend, to the bank, to Harbor Freight, and Michael’s Crafts. And I was 10 minutes late picking him up today, but he didn’t seem to mind.

We went from Bennett House to the hospital for some paperwork, and that took about an hour, from there, to Staples, and then home. I didn’t do any outside work today. My arms and hands are still hurting from all the rock I moved yesterday! After I did the dishes, and Mike had dinner, I checked my garden, and I decided not to water it today – I will do that tomorrow. I just discovered I am not supposed to allow the water to fall onto the leaves of the squash, only allow the water to run under the leaves to help prevent mildew on the leaves – who knew??

Mike didn’t want to go to bed last night and at 11 pm I had to make him turn off the tv. I stood and waited until he closed his door and had the lights out before I felt I could go to bed. Finally, that was done, but I didn’t get much sleep, and I was up again at 7:30.

With the business of the day, and little sleep, I am really tired tonight; but just as I was ready to write, I heard Mike coming upstairs. It turns out he knocked his C-Pap machine onto the floor and the water reservoir broke. Fortunately, he had another one here, but that has added an extra 45 minutes to my not getting to bed.

I have made hotel reservations for the evening of the 25th, Mike is going to be gone, and I am going out to do some photography. A whole weekend just for me (actually it’s about noon on Friday until noon on Sunday – so two days for me) I will be going to a couple of pawn shops this week to look for a specific lens for my camera. My favorite lens, a 70mm-300mm is missing. I have searched everywhere I can think of and I haven’t located it in almost 5 months. Not getting out to shoot, click, doesn’t help with keeping track of my gear, but I just cannot fathom where I might have put the lens. I am sure it’s here in the house, but here where??? It will, most likely, show up once I’ve gotten another one 🙂 Regardless, I am getting another one, if there are any at the local pawn shops.

Now Mike is back in his room, and I am able to lay down and get a little sleep.

A better day

Philippians 4:7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Girl Trip – Cruise to Alaska, May 2019 Sue, Jenny, Marilyn, Michelle

Mike slept until 10:30, then slept on the sofa from 11-2:30. While he slept I read, I did some laundry, watered my garden, used my WD40 on all the squeaky hinges throughout the house, and drank 2 cups of tea.

When Mike did wake up, he wanted to go to Capone’s for lunch so we took off and he had a pastrami dip sandwich. I also had pastrami, but not with a dip. Robert had gone to get me a yard of soil for garden section 3 & 4 and he left the trailer near the garden bed with the soil in it. I hope he remembered to take the tail gate off, ’cause I cannot move it at all!

After Mike and I got back home, I started working on removing the rocks from the front yard planter – I want to make it a strawberry bed. I may have to revise how big I plan to make that! There are tons and tons of decorative rocks. I have 1 1/2 large, plastic tubs, full now and I’ve barely gotten 2 feet cleared! It looks like I may have to wait until next spring to actually plant strawberries. I have a friend who wants some of the rocks and I am going to allow her to come over and take what she wants. I do need to get some red paint and paint some of them to put in my garden beds near the tomatoes, peppers, and of course, when the strawberries are put in.

Mike has been most pleasant today, no badgering me, or finding fault with anything I’ve done, today. When he asked me what we’re doing tomorrow, I told him he’s going to Bennett House, and he said “Okay.” and left it at that.

Now, I am waiting for him to go to bed, so I can lay down and go to sleep.

I wait

Philippians 1:2 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Spokane Falls, night shoot. April 2017

Mike slept until almost noon, and then didn’t want to go anywhere, so we stayed home all day..I did a little bit in my office, and I prepared sections 3&4 of the raised garden bed. Now they are ready for soil to be added.

Mike is angry with me this evening, he says I don’t love him anymore. (sigh) I’ve tried to explain that if I didn’t love him, I’d let him fail, and over dose himself; but of course, he doesn’t see that. He says I am not here for him, I am so busy doing things that I don’t have time to sit with him and watch tv, or talk to him. I tried to tell him, I don’t want to watch The Unit, (a series) over and over and over again. He says let’s watch a movie together, I’ll agree, join him and we either watch the news, or The Unit! I have so much to do, and I know he doesn’t understand, but I cannot sit through it while he dozes off. And talking to him isn’t working. He is ready to be upset with whatever we talk about. As much as I have tried to discuss things with him, he insists I am leaving him out, he has no control anymore, I am trying to manipulate things to make him have to be locked up. I am truly sorry he doesn’t have control, but my goodness, what is there to control? I have always handled the finances, I have always handled the appointments, the mail, the laundry, the shopping, etc. The only things he’s not in control of is driving a vehicle and handling power tools! Each of those are major safety risks if he were to be in control, not only for himself, but for others, also!!

The last 3 nights have been upsets. No yelling, swearing at me, calling me names, or telling me I’m stupid; but accusing me of not caring, taking away his rights, keeping him home all the time. Yet, mostly, he tells me he doesn’t want to go anywhere, or do anything away from the house. I think he’s just angry with his situation, and after things being calm for a while we’re now back in a season of upsets. It’s almost 11 pm, I cannot go to sleep until I know he’s gone to bed, and so I wait on him.

My garden is taking shape

Ephesians 6:23 Peace to the brethren, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Spokane Falls, April 2017

Mike went to Bennett House today. He’s now going 3x a week for 3 hours each time. Today was an easy one for me, for the most part. I got several errands done, took myself to lunch, and after I got Mike, we headed home.

Once at the house, Mike went inside to nap, and I took 3 bags, 2 cubic yards each, out of the trunk and using the hand truck, I got them over to the garden area. I now have 2 sections filled and planted, and there are 2 sections to go. Mike came outside as I was taking the last bag out and asked if I needed his help – I told him I got this and he said okay. As I was opening the bag, he startled me, I didn’t see him coming across the lawn toward me. He again asked if I needed help, and I said no, this is easy. My main concern – he falls. He loses his balance, especially on uneven ground, and down he goes. I have raised planter beds, and I don’t want him to hit his head on the corner of one and end up in the ER.

After getting the bags emptied, I planted 3 different types of squash, some basil, some beans, and a cucumber. I am hoping to use the other 2 sections for some herbs, and some lettuce. Mike has decided he wants me to grow some horse radish, but I don’t know where to get any. I’ve been told to be sure and keep it in its own container.

One of my next projects will be to get some metal braces to put onto the sides of the garden beds to keep them from coming apart. I will need to locate a battery operated drill so it will be easier to attach the braces.

Mike asked me if I were tired this evening, I told him yes. I asked him why and he said he was just curious. ????? I have no idea what he was thinking, but he had talked about taking a walk and I was not up to it. I am trying to get him onto a better sleep schedule, but I need to do that for me also. Being up after midnight, many times, makes the days seem even longer.

I’m Sorry

Ephesians 2:17 And He came and preached peace to you who were afar off and to those who were near

Our $60 breakfast at Café Milano, Reykjavik, Iceland

Mike went to lunch with the guys today, and he seemed irritable when he got home. He sat on the sofa for a while, and dozed off, but he didn’t stay there long. He ended up getting up within an hour.

About 1:30 I suggested he go to watch some tv, and he did. I was reading a book, and the door bell rang. It was Rick Stone, a retired Battalion Chief from Los Angeles County Fire Department. He had a commemorative coin to give to Mike from the Museum. It’s very pretty and I got some photos of Rick presenting the coin to Mike. Then Mike seemed to be in a much better mood.

After Rick left, I worked in my office/craft room and got a lot done, though there is a bunch to go. I ordered, what I hope is, the proper shelves for placing on top of the filing cabinets. I will be using the shelves for my genealogy and scrapbooking supplies and files. The room looks great. Robert showed up this morning and finished putting together the cabinet, and now it needs to be anchored to the wall. I cannot put anything into it until it’s anchored. I did get a lot of papers sorted, some junk mail thrown out, and other stuff filed away. I feel good about this progress on this. This room project, I have been working to accomplish for almost 2 years and it’s a relief to finally be able to see light at the end of one of my many tunnels of projects!

After Mike’s dinner, I cleaned the kitchen, and then I sat and read for a while, until it was time for Mike’s evening meds. I took them to him, along with a glass of warm milk and he told me I wasn’t any fun anymore! What??? He said I never want to do anything with him and I am always tired. Uhhhh Yeah – I told him I’m tired because I am doing everything alone. I don’t have any help and I am up early and busy almost all day, and by the time I go to bed I am exhausted. He told me he was sorry, he didn’t know how to help me. I told him there is no need to be sorry, it’s something that can’t be helped, and I am happy to do the things that need to be done, I just don’t have a lot left over for much else. He patted my shoulder, sat down, and began to watch tv again.

I am hoping he decides to go to bed soon, so I can lay down and sleep.

Anger

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Windsor Castle, July 2017

Mike was a little irritable this morning, but I thought nothing of it. After I dropped him off at the Bennett House, I met a friend for lunch and we had a good visit and a decent lunch. From there, I had time to go to the bank, the post office, and the market, before it was time to get Mike. I also talked to the people at Bennett House and they have recommended we add Friday to Mike’s time there. I agreed with them, and as we were leaving he was very demanding and wanting to know why we were keeping secrets from him. I told him we weren’t and he was going to be going to Bennett House 3x a week now. He didn’t like that. Then he demanded that I tell the doctor he didn’t crash the car, he didn’t know how it happened, and he thinks he should be allowed to drive. He then accused me of wanting to lock him up. I told him he was the only one who ever brought that up. No one was talking about it, no one has suggested it and no one was planning it. He gritted his teeth, his eyes kind of bulged out, his body stiffened and he started making a horrible noise! At first I thought he was having a stroke or a seizure, but he was just very angry.

After we got home, he went to the family room to watch tv, and I started working on my diamond painting project, but I had some papers I need to have printed, so I downloaded them to a thumb drive, and the printer wouldn’t accept it for documents. It would accept if for photos! Now I am the one who is frustrated. Our son has more knowledge of printers, computers, etc in his little finger, than I do in my whole body – yet he strongly resists helping me figure out what’s going on. I have tried everything I can to convince him to help me, and he just hasn’t done it. Between that and the cabinet that still needs doors on it, I am at a loss on what to do. I cannot find the screws to put the doors on it myself, and I don’t have a clue what to do about the printer. I feel ready to chuck it all and say scr#w it! I hate this feeling of inadequacy, and it frustrates me to have to spend the money to get someone else to do it. (sigh) It looks like I will be able to take the printer into Staples on Friday and get them to look at it for me. I know it would cost $150 for a house call, so maybe the price will be reduced if I take it in.

So here it is, 10:35 pm, and Mike has decided to stay up and watch tv, which means I cannot go to sleep yet. I have to wait for him. I believe I might begin to clean the top of one of the counters in the office. It will help keep me awake for a while longer.

Enough of my rants for this evening, tomorrow I am planning on getting 4 more bags of soil which should fill the 2nd section of the raised garden beds. A yard of good soil is $44 and it takes 54 bags of soil (2 cubic yards each) at $12.99 a bag to equal one yard of soil. A total of $700 + tax and the fuel to drive back and forth. 😦

Apparently this isn’t a good day all the way around!

Confused over and over

2 Corinthians 1:2 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Westminster Abbey, July 2017

Mike and I went to the chiropractor this morning and then to Elmer’s for brunch. We were both fairly hungry and left nothing on our plates. 🙂 After there we went to New Leaf nursery to get some potting soil. Mike decided to sit under some trees to read while I was inside the store checking things out. I needed to move the car to have some bags loaded and I told Mike what was going on, and I asked him to wait for me – but he didn’t. He ended up shuffling through the parking lot in a very slow gait and holding everyone up while he crossed the middle. The guy from the nursery had the car loaded and I was backing out, when Mike came up to me and asked me to open the trunk – “Why? I need for you to get in so we can leave.” He was going to put bags into the trunk. I told him he was holding up traffic, please get into the car! He finally listened to me and it took him at least 5 minutes to get around the car, open the door, sit down, fasten his seat belt, and then close the door. In the meantime, now I am the one holding up everyone else! (sigh)

We got home and I got Mike into the house and distracted with the tv, then I went out, and using the hand truck, I was able to get the bags from the trunk out to the garden sections. 3 bags, and it wasn’t quite enough. I had already put 6 cubic yards of raised bed mix into the 1st section, then 3 bags of 2 cubic yards each. I needed more.

I went into the house and told Mike I needed more potting soil and he said he was going to stay home – I convinced him I’d get him a strawberry shake to go with me, and we headed of to another nursery. VanHoff’s I got 3 more bags of potting soil at 2 cubic yards each. Again, Mike told me he was going to stay in the car, then he got out and began trying to follow me. I was from one side of the parking lot to the other and back again 2x and he hadn’t even gotten to the 1st side. I suggested he sit in the car and wait but he refused. As I made my decision on the type of potting soil I wanted, he stood in the middle of the parking lot looking lost. I tried to get him to sit down, somewhere – again he refused. Thankfully, the place was almost ready to close and we were the last customers or he would have held up traffic yet again. I got him into the car, and headed to Baskin-Robbins for his shake. After we got home again, I sat with him for a bit, then he decided to watch tv, and while he went to the family room, I went to the garden, got the hand truck and emptied the trunk of the car, got the bags to the garden sections and finished filling section 1. I put 2 bags into section 2 and it will need 2 – 3 more bags. I am hoping to get them tomorrow. Then I can begin to plant section 2. I have cucumbers and peppers in section 1; I will be doing squash in section 2. I think I’ll do lettuce in section 3 and I haven’t decided on section 4.

Throughout the day, Mike was trying hard to be a help, but he got confused over and over. No matter how careful I explained to him, he couldn’t grasp what was going on and therefore, it became a challenge to keep him occupied, and safe. I know he’s up watching tv at the moment, but I really need to go to sleep. Here’s hoping he doesn’t need anything for the next few hours!

Don’t get old.

1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.

Bourton on the water – the Cotswolds, England July 2017

Mike was awake by 10:45 and when I went to make sure he was up, he was, in fact, getting dressed. He was upstairs by 11 and I had his morning meds ready for him. He finished taking them by 11:15 and started to lay down on the sofa – “Mike, we have to leave.” He thought he was going to lunch with the guys and they were going to pick him up. I got him to the car, and then to Bennett House.

I met with Charlene Dawson for lunch at Vine and Olive in Riverstone Plaza. It was a good 90 minute time of visiting and enjoying the delicious citrus salad with grilled chicken.

I picked Mike up a few minutes early this afternoon, and our neighbor, JoAnne, came by to say hello and to tell me about the ladies retreat from our church. It seemed like a delightful time and we had a good chuckle about several items that we discussed. After she left, I went to work on the garden sections, again. I have spent over 15 hours working on this d*&%ed thing and I am not happy with how it’s turned out. The bottom pieces coming loose and falling apart as I was trying to put the top pieces on. 😦 We’ll have to wait and see how long these things hold together.

As of now, I am set on purchasing bags of soil tomorrow, after we go to the chiropractor. I have no other way to get any soil for the beds and my plants won’t last long if they don’t get into the dirt. I am figuring I will need 8-12 bags each at least 3 cubic yards. Minimum cost will run me about $150. I wonder if I could rent a small dump truck and get a few yards of premium soil that way? Hmmmmm.

Right now, I hurt all over. My muscles ache, my hands and feet hurt, and I am exhausted from the lifting and pulling. I just don’t have the strength like I used to, and I am much slower than I used to be. Doubly whammy. Don’t get old! hahaha