Isaiah 61:7 Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double;
Everlasting joy shall be theirs.
Today I took all of Mike’s medications away from him. He’d gotten a huge mess and was trying to fix it before I knew about it; but he had taken the label off one of the prescription bottles and didn’t know what the med was. So I took it to the pharmacy to ask them, and they told me. I also asked for a refill, and it’s not scheduled to be refilled until the end of December!
I still didn’t know what the pill was, but Mike told me it was a sleeping pill – hmmmm. I asked him why there were only 5 left when he’s supposed to have 30+ left. He didn’t know. I asked to see his meds (he had been hiding them from me so I wouldn’t know he messed up with them) – he said he’d gotten them confused and had to figure it out. I picked up a couple of the packets he’d made up and in them, for the day time portions, were 2 of the sleeping pills, then in the packet for the night time portion was another sleeping pill! I put everything into a box and took it out of the room. He followed me saying he would figure it out. I finally told him NO! This is critical, you’re taking stuff at the wrong times, in the wrong amounts I am taking over as of now. He started to argue with me. I got very serious and told him he was going to have to let me handle this from now on. I told him, I know you get confused, and I am here to help you and you must let me!
He then sat down on the floor and said Please don’t put me in a nursing home! I started to cry. I don’t want to put you in one, I want you to be home with me, but you have to start letting me handle this stuff and you need to quit fighting me at every turn. Otherwise I won’t have a choice, because I won’t be able to handle you and all the stuff that you need. He began to cry also.
We talked about the meds, we cried together, I cried alone. I had to call the doctor’s office and explain what happened, and I told them I was now in control of situation and I would be handing the pills to him morning and evening. I haven’t heard back about the sleeping pill, I hope they will give it to him again. If he isn’t taking it, I won’t be able to sleep because he’ll be up all night!
I spent quite a time of it, sorting the medications. He had 3 different pills in one bottle; and 3 more different pills in a different bottle, and I still don’t know what some of them are. He’s thrown out some of the bottles and can’t remember what the pills are. I have to go back to the pharmacy and ask them to help me know what is what. And in this I found myself crying again. A sense of loss.
One of the things I find extremely difficult is bringing up “What would you like me to do with…..? His kilns, his supplies, favorite antiques he’s collected??? Who would you like to give the baseball glove to? or the fire helmet to?? It’s a very difficult place to go mentally, for me, and I always cry when I try to talk to him about this stuff. But I don’t know how much more time I have to find this out. It’s staring me in the face, and I am so sad.
Today’s been difficult and sad. I have run the gamut of emotions and I am exhausted. I feel unorganized and disheveled and I am trying to set a straight path to work on. There is way to much at stake to leave it unattended. I am treading into unknown territory, and I am apprehensive