The truth is…..

2 Peter 1:5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge

This is how Mike now spends most of his days – when he’s not demanding to know when is the next time he gets his medications. He’s dizzy, un-coordinated, angry much of the time. I am very tired, I feel let down by the medical community – no one has offered any services to assist us, no one has called to check on us. The neurologist gave us a prescription to, hopefully, slow the progression of the dementia; but he made a follow up appoint for 6 months! That’s not until the middle of April, 2021! In the meantime, I’m dealing with his medications on my own. I first discovered he had mixed them up, peeled the labels off the bottles, he was overdosing on one, and saying another one made him ill (both narcotics) but he kept taking it; so the neurologist stopped the one that was making him ill. However, it needed to be weaned down, not cold turkey stop. So to the ER.

We spent most of Christmas day, and the 26th in the ER. Mike was restless, angry, agitated, belligerent. And I am alone with this. I don’t have a support group in place, I don’t have home health, home nurse, home anything coming in to evaluate – which is why we ended up in the ER!

I need to get Mike onto a waiting list for a care facility, I don’t even know where to begin. I have spent so much time – alone, and if I cry, I do it where he can’t see or hear me, because it upsets him when I cry in front of him. When he remembers who I am.

So, I’ve been advised, by a friend, to begin doing 3 positive things a day to help me find me again! (Even though I still need to handle Mike and the situation for a time, until I can get some help)

  1. I will spend 1 hour each morning doing something to get myself better organized. I will begin in my office; it’s been a struggle to make progress there with my taking care of Mike, however – I have 2 hours I am usually up BEFORE he gets up. I will spend 1 hour each day organizing that room, filing papers, building shelves, doing what needs to be done – I will set an alarm to give me that hour
  2. I will spend the next hour quiet with myself, and taking notes on my thoughts to explore at a later time (maybe after I get the office done)
  3. This one is going to take some thought – I have spent so much time taking care of everyone else, I think I lost me somewhere along the road! Whatever I come up with, it will, most likely, be done in baby steps until I figure out who I am & where I am going in the process.

I am almost feeling hopeless, not quite, but it’s there in the back of my knowledge – the back of my brain and in the front of my heart.

Published by motherpooh

I am a Mom and a Grandma. I like photography, genealogy, scrapbooking, canning, and gardening

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