Isaiah 12:2 Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; ‘For Yah, the Lord, is my strength and song; He also has become my salvation.’ ”
Today has been busy. Mike slept until 10:30 and I had a ton of things to handle. 2 days ago I made lists of things I wanted to do around the house; last night I realized it’s not going to happen.
Last night Mike told me he wants to purchase a 40 foot storage container to move all the stuff from the shop into, and then insulate and drywall the shop! I told him it wasn’t going to happen. We’re not purchasing a huge container. I am willing to rent storage pods and have them stored at the pod place to empty the house as much as possible. I have also put a deposit down on a 2 bedroom single floor apartment, so Mike doesn’t have to climb stairs. He has tried to inform me he doesn’t need for me to be concerned about the stairs, but I watch how much he stumbles and trips. And I don’t have to make the final decision on the apartment until March 1, but now I am 1st on the list for this place.
I also called a handyman to do some painting of the outside trim of the house. The prior owners didn’t properly prepare the wood before they painted over it and now it’s bubbling and splitting – looks really tacky. So the entire trim, the front columns, the garage door, and the front door all need a new coat, or two, of fresh paint.
I wanted to do some great landscaping, and that’s not going to happen either. I will have to let the guys know I will need them to do clean up, and trimming; but nothing fancy! That makes me sad.
My office will not get done either, I will have to repack the boxes into the shop/or pods, and make sure I keep the taxes stuff available to work on. (sigh) Due to the high cost of capital gains tax I cannot have the house close escrow before the 1st of August; CPA says since we purchased around the 6th of July 2 years ago, it will be best to make sure we’re not pushing the sell date to close to the 2 year mark. I will be sure to empty the ‘office’ and prepare it to be a bedroom. I have cabinets I had just gotten, and put together, and now they have to be moved out of the house. I am tired just thinking of the work ahead and thankful I didn’t get TONS of stuff unpacked and put away over the last 2 years.
Mike and I put all of our extra cash from the previous sale into this place, we built a shop, put in a gazebo, and a jacuzzi. I put in 2 raised garden beds and I was preparing for an area to have birds come in to feed and have a blind set up for photography. All of this is now not going to happen, and I feel frustrated beyond imagine. I have been trying for 7 years to have MY space for an office, and a craft room. Mike has had all the space he’s wanted for all of his stuff and I’ve not had anything for me! It makes me angry, and makes me want to cry out of sheer frustration. I don’t show the anger – what good would that do? and I don’t cry – I would just get a stuffy nose and a headache and that accomplishes nothing.
I think part of my feeling extremely out of sorts is feeling cooped up all the time. I love to explore, travel, see new things, revisit old favorites and since October 2020 my ability to do these things has been curtailed more and more. It’s no ones fault, it’s the cause of the dementia that Mike has. I just can’t be comfortable leaving him alone for long and he never wants to go anywhere or do anything. He just sleeps, or he sleeps, and sometimes he wakes up, has a drink of water, and then he sleeps again.
Packing the house, moving all the stuff, being 100% responsible for it all doesn’t bother me, doesn’t scare me, doesn’t overwhelm me. Trying to do it while dealing with Mike, that’s where I think I may run into issues.
We don’t have any medical appointments for 6 weeks for the GP and then another 6 weeks until we see the neurologist. Between the 2 of them I am hoping to get some more definitive answers with Mike’s progression. I also need to contact Comfort Keepers to find someone to come in for 3-5 hours once every week, or two, and give me some time away. I am going to also ask our son if he can be here for Mike on Sunday mornings so I can attend church.
Lots of new things on the horizon, but for now, I need to sleep.