Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
Me and Mike in Tel Aviv April 2018
Mike woke me at 1 am demanding to know what I did to his CPap machine – He climbed from his room, on the same floor as the family room, up to the 3rd level of the house to the master bedroom to wake me up – demanding to know know what I did! I told him I hadn’t touched it. He refused to believe me and began to argue with me. I told him again I hadn’t touched it, I don’t ever touch it. I asked if he wanted me to go downstairs to check it out and he yelled, NO! And left the room. Several minutes later I heard doors slamming. So I got up, and went downstairs to his room to make sure he hadn’t gotten hurt! All I got in response was a curt “I’m fine!”
So I climbed back upstairs, and went right back to sleep. At 4 am Mike was back in the master bedroom wondering why wasn’t I up, he had physical therapy and I needed to make sure he got there on time. I told him it’s Sunday – go back to bed. But I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t feel well and around 5 I got up and took my blood pressure – it was high. So I took my BP pills 2 hours early, and I went back to bed. I slept until 9:30 but woke up with a terrific headache – I don’t usually get headaches. I took my BP again and it was much higher than at 5 so I texted a friend, who suggested I get to urgent care. I take myself there, the doctor finally says – I think this might be caused by stress – duh!! He was a nice man, but this was an obvious observation. Anyway, he gave me some water pills to take and said it may be a couple of days before I see any real change and to be consistent on times when I take my BP. He also suggested I follow up with my regular MD. No worries there, I go in this coming Friday.
I got home, and talked for a while with our son, and then Mike got up about noon. Lucky him. I fixed him ‘breakfast’, gave him his morning meds, and then fixed my own breakfast. All the while, I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. Mike started to carry his dishes into the kitchen and I asked him to leave it for me – since he’s very unsteady. He refused! told me he would do it, and leave him alone! He came back into the living room and started to lay down on the sofa, and I asked him not to. He got angry with me. I explained if he sleeps on the sofa, I can’t do anything in the house because I disturb him and he yells at me. In a huff, he went downstairs to the family room, and turned the tv up really loud. I proceed to clean the kitchen and put pinto beans on to cook for dinner. I ended up making a ham & bean soup with grated carrots and potatoes.
After I got the soup started, I had to run over to the pharmacy to get my new prescription. I got home, Mike heard me upstairs and came up to join me. Soup was finished, so I gave him a bowl, and got my own. I was finished with my soup and I was getting ready to get his bowl when he dropped it onto the floor, then he proceeded to move a tv tray and slammed the leg of the tray onto the upside down bowl – it broke. It’s a discontinued pattern and I haven’t been able to find any more like it. I started to cry. I grabbed a roll of paper towels and started cleaning the carpet – and crying the whole time. Between lack of sleep, what I feel is lack of caring from him (who knows if this is dementia, or just self absorption?) He didn’t get it. Couldn’t understand my upset, it’s just a bowl! At that point I asked him why did he always have to fight me on everything? Why couldn’t he be pleasant and allow me to do things that will not end up with him breaking stuff, or falling, or tripping. Don’t you see I am doing all I can for you to keep you safe! And you just fight me all the time! I’m to tired…… No hugs, no apology, nothing – he just walked away from me.
A friend asked me, what kind of help have you gotten through the doctor’s office? None; What does the doctor expect from me? To be so utterly wiped out that I’m no damned good to anyone? IDK. She then said, remind the doctor that I pay for the services he provides and I should be entitled to some definitive answers on things – because as Mike is being treated – I am also a part of the overall dynamics of care and well being and if I am not cared for, who will care for Mike? Is it time to put him into a facility? I don’t think so, but it is time I get some help along the way.