Psalm 25:1 In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.
Mike, October 2019.
This is Mike less than 16 months ago – I miss his smile, and his laugh. I miss him. He now sleeps, goes to doctor visits, or PT, and sleeps. He rarely eats more than 1 meal a day – he generally spills whatever drink he has. He is not the same man. He wants to do things like before. He has gotten up, dressed, put on his outside clothing – coat, hat, gloves, opens the door, says it’s to cold and lays down on the sofa. He hasn’t removed his outside gear, he just lays down and goes to sleep.
Last night was the 1st time, in a long time, he didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night, we both got to sleep all night. Mike went to bed at 7:30, and I went to bed at 11:30. I was up at 7:30 and he was up at 9. He did PT today, we went to breakfast and got home about 11:30 this morning. He sat down and slept, and now he’s still sleeping at 7 pm in the early evening, got up for a few minutes, and now he’s in bed for the night at 8 pm.
I have Comfort Keepers coming to the house on Friday afternoon to do a home evaluation and to see if we can get on their list for in-home care. I don’t feel comfortable leaving Mike alone in the house when I go out, so generally, I don’t. It’s very wearing not to have company, conversation, and to feel like you cannot move through your own place without upsetting someone. It’s also sad to watch Mike deteriorate so rapidly, part of my frustrations with him, I don’t believe he’s trying to make the most of the time we have left. I feel like he’s just given up and he’s wasting away. Again, I don’t know if this is depression, which wouldn’t surprise me; or is this dementia, again, it wouldn’t surprise me. I can’t argue with either one, and I can’t argue with him. He digs in his heels and refuses to budge.
I am looking at possibly adding a shower to the powder room on the main level of the house, if I can accomplish that, I might be able to keep Mike home longer. I have to get a contractor in to check out the space, and then get the building permit inspector in to approve the process. I don’t know the cost – regardless, it would be cheaper than trying to move, if it can be done at all.