I am sinking into sadness

2 Corinthians 13:8 For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth.

Sweetheart Abbey near Dumfries, Scotland, 2017

Today has been an absolutely terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! And then it got worse.

Mike got angry with me at the drive-up pharmacy window when I went to pay for his prescriptions. He said, “These are worker’s comp” I told him, “No, they’re not” He got angry, “Damnit! these are worker’s comp!” “No, these are from Dr. Britt” He yelled, “I’m telling you these are worker’s comp, and you shouldn’t pay for them!” I told him, “Dr. Britt is the neurologist, and has nothing to do with worker’s comp – this is for your dementia!” OMGosh! He lost it. He yelled at me, told me not to bring that up, it’s not an issue, I didn’t know what I was doing, and a few other choice things! As I am trying to get the prescriptions from the tray of the drive up window, and get my change he yells again, “Let’s go!!!!” I turned to him and yelled back, “I need to put my stuff away first! Give me a minute!” I threw the prescriptions into the back seat and dropped my wallet onto the floor of the car. I carefully pulled away from the window – glancing over and seeing the pharmacy tech watching us with her mouth hanging open! (I hadn’t even had time to put the window up yet) It was as cold and icy in the vehicle as it was on the driveway going out of the parking lot.

Then I screwed up with the kids, and thought I heard the boys in the house, and called to ask if I should take them to dance – my DIL got all upset and worried and that caused a bigger upset to the end of my day. Well s*&t – even though I apologized all over the place it didn’t help, I got reamed by her, and by Robert and then again by Mike before I went to bed. So, I know I won’t get any sleep tonight and tomorrow will be really rough because I’ll be to tired to deal with anything.

I want to resign – I want to quit – I give up.

I am tired of being told I need to handle things this way or that, I’m tired of the constant walking on eggshells so I don’t upset anyone. I need a break!!!! A long break, with several hours all to me. Maybe even be gone overnight, at the very least. It won’t happen, I can barely get an hour to do anything, let alone any time just for me. I am on call 24/7, for the most part, and I am on the verge of tears most of that time. Mostly, no one knows. Mostly, no one has any idea of how utterly alone I am in this. I am emotionally beaten up, and I feel cast aside like a used wad of nothing.

I am generally fairly happy, easy going, but I am finding I am sinking into sadness and depression more and more.

Published by motherpooh

I am a Mom and a Grandma. I like photography, genealogy, scrapbooking, canning, and gardening

2 thoughts on “I am sinking into sadness

  1. Jenny, you need to get some help ASAP. My mother had dementia and we were told that a lot of times the care giver passes before the patient because it takes such a toll on you. You difinitely need some help for your own well being.

    Like

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