Psalm 36:5 Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
Golden-Eye, taken at Fernan Lake 4 March 2021
Today turned ugly in a hurry. I had our son put an alarm on Mike’s bedroom door, for me, so I could know when Mike got up in the middle of the night. Mike found the alarm and totally blew up at me! “I refuse to live in a house under surveillance, you had no right.” I tried to explain what I did it for, he refused to listen, he just kept yelling and yelling! So I yelled back – Oh Boy! he was so appalled that I responded the way I did, he told me he deserves to be treated better than that and I better not do it again! So I said, “What?! You can yell at me, but I can’t respond in kind?!” “Yes! You are not to yell at me!” I turned to him and said, “Look buster! If you treat me this way, you can expect me to treat you the same, there’s nothing special about you!”
Mike then proceeded to let me know he thinks I am untrustworthy, and unreliable and a variety of other choice names. He told me he doesn’t need me at all. I said fine, I can leave – just remember I handle your medications and without me, you would be dead already because I took care of you! I saved you from the overdose you did to yourself, I found the mix up on medications, I took you to the emergency room, I was the one who made sure you were weaned off the medication you screwed up. I invested a ton of time and energy to save you, and I want to continue to keep you safe. But I can leave.
He then proceeded to tell me, “how do I know you’re telling the truth? How do I know you’re not just saying things to keep me confused?” And then he added, “I don’t remember taking the car at 3 am!” (What??? I never mentioned the car! Is he telling me something he doesn’t really remember? Did he take the car at 3 am? Is that when the damage to the front grill happened?) I asked him, “Why would I do that to you? I’m wanting you to stay safe and not get hurt, and not have problems. But you fight me every step of the way. And again you’ve just said I am untrustworthy! That will stop NOW! You are never to say that to me again!”
He looked puzzled and told me he never called me untrustworthy! (aaarrrrgggghhhhh)
I made sure he had his lunch and dinner, I cleaned the kitchen after each meal, and I made sure he got tonight’s medications. He fell asleep at 7 pm on the sofa in the living room and stayed there until almost 9 pm, he then went to his own bed.
As I am sitting here typing this, I feel a migraine wanting to happen. It’s been hanging around all day and it’s knocking at the back of my skull. I used to get them all the time; It’s been years since my last migraine, and I don’t want to ever go there again. However, today’s events seem to have opened the door to that possibility.
Tomorrow is a new day, Mike will, most likely forget any of this happened, I still have to process the whole day and allow it to mellow out so I can continue. This is crazy making!