Angry & Mean

Habakkuk 3:3 God came from Teman, The Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah His glory covered the heavens, And the earth was full of His praise.

We rode a tram in Queenstown – Lake District of New Zealand South Island

We went to the chiropractor this morning and then to lunch. While we were sitting at the table, waiting on our food, Mike became extremely upset and began demanding I not say a word to the doctor about his incident yesterday – where he put a microwave popcorn popper onto the gas stove and turned the fire on under the plastic! He was so unreasonable that I just said okay and let him change the subject.

Later this afternoon, a friend stopped by to visit, and he was talking to Rick about what happened, and I found out he had turned the burner on and left the kitchen! OMGosh! The whole place could have burned down! I am sorry, but I really do need to let the doctor know this, and I will tell him Mike is adamant about my not saying anything. Mike is terribly worried the doctor will demand he go into assisted living. I think I still have something to say about that, and I think as Mike’s caregiver I can veto the doctor on this – but I won’t if Mike keeps doing these types of stunts.

I told Mike he must quit fighting me on everything I try to do to keep him safe; he says he doesn’t want to lose his independence, but I seriously have to admit, he already has. There is no independence for him anymore. He cannot safely drive himself anywhere, he cannot safely fix his own meals, or snacks, or coffee, he has problems dressing himself (he usually ends up wearing 2 different socks, and when I try to mate them for him, he gets to upset, so I let it go); many times, I have to help him button his shirt, have him zip his pants, sometimes I have to tie his shoes for him, help him put his sweater, or jacket, on. He should probably have me help him with his shower, but he doesn’t want me in the bathroom with him, and so far I haven’t forced that – however, I think the time is coming soon when I will have to.

Mike has always be the alpha in the family, he’s been the one in charge. Even when he was at work for 10 days at a time, he ruled the family! He was responsible. He was the Captain at the fire station his last several years on the job. A Haz-Mat Captain of the busiest Haz-Mat station in the U.S.A. So when an incident happened, Mike was the guy in charge. If other units were sent in, they were under Mike’s command. He’s not liking the fact that he really has no say in things anymore, and this has made him very angry, frustrated, frankly he’s becoming (has become) mean! A lot of times he strikes out verbally, and it’s usually me that gets the brunt of all his anger and nasty. This has been really hard and I don’t know how much he remembers after a tirade, but I can tell you each word is like a rock hitting me and each tirade bruises deeper and deeper. I have to continually pray to not become so calloused to him that I don’t care anymore. Sometimes I am not as able to let the hurts go easily, and that concerns me for my own mental well being. I don’t want to end up, old and bitter. Old I can’t stop, bitter I have a chance to deal with as long as I remember to keep praying for peace, and direction.

Published by motherpooh

I am a Mom and a Grandma. I like photography, genealogy, scrapbooking, canning, and gardening

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