Disappointments

1 Corinthians 1:3 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

A church in Bibury, in the Cotswold’s of England. July 2017

Mike slept until 10, when he came into the living room he had his robe on, laid down on the sofa and fell asleep until after noon. It is a most frustrating situation. I wish he would just stay in bed!

I needed to go out this afternoon, and I had to promise him lunch at Elmer’s to get him to go with me. He thought he was going to be able to stay at home, alone! Not going to happen, ever again. We were out an about, and after we got home, I had gone out to the garden area, and Mike fell. He fell between the raised garden frames and into a pile of planting pots. Fortunately they were mostly plastic. It looked like he hit his head, but he didn’t bleed. It did shake him up and I had him go into the house and rest. After I made sure he was okay, and comfortable, he dozed off and I went out to the garage to unload the trunk of the car.

I was supposed to be getting a small utility trailer of soil today – but that didn’t happen and I now have plants that need to go into the dirt. Tomorrow afternoon I will have to make sure I spend the necessary time to finish the garden sections and then I will get the soil I need. I’ll just have to buy it in bags 😦 This is going to be the expensive way to do it, but I have no other option at this point. Whatever.

I have gotten to the point where I don’t anticipate something unless I see it actually happening. This way I am not raging inside, due to frustrations, of someone letting me down. I learned my lesson on that a long time ago. Waiting for things to happen, like my own space in the shop, or a promised project getting done. No, I don’t anticipate at all. I just bide my time, and if it ever happens – then I am happy it’s completed. If it doesn’t happen, that seems to be my lot at this time.

Mike has already gone to bed, he’s up less and less each day. It makes it difficult for me to handle things, and this is another adjustment I am learning to make. When he is up, I have to watch him constantly to make sure he doesn’t get hurt, or do something drastic to cause an issue. I know he thinks he’s able to continue like he’s ‘normal’ but he’s lost so much ground! I was in line at Lowe’s and one of Mike’s lunch buddies happened to get in line behind me. He was saying the guys have noticed that Mike is having more and more difficulties with his lunch choices, so they have begun to help him with his ordering. I am thankful they are so understanding, and willing to continue to have Mike join them.

Slept Late

Romans 15:33 Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen.

Raglan Castle, Gwernesney, Langview, Usk, Wales

Mike slept very late today, he didn’t get up until noon. Although I was up at 5, I didn’t do much. I sat and read, had a cup of hot tea, went through some papers on an end table in the living room and then Miss Emma showed up. (The young woman who does light housekeeping for me)

Emma was here for 2 hours and did a nice job, I love having her here and I am going to start having her do more stuff for me. She’s very exact in not touching anything without permission, which I am happy about; but then, that means she also will not dust the very tops of cabinets (where I can’t reach) unless I remember to ask! 🙂 She does a fine job and I sometimes will be able to get Mike up, and out to breakfast, while she’s here.

Once Mike got up he sat on the sofa for a while, and then he dozed off again. Around 3 pm I was able to get him out of the house for a little bit. We went to Lowe’s and he really struggled to walk. He kind of leans forward, shuffles his feet and loses his balance. After trying to make a purchase, and he couldn’t find me, then was unable to stand in line with me, I gave up. I put the items down, that I had planned to purchase, got Mike by the arm, and led him out to the car. Once he sat down he very quietly said, “Please take me home” So I did.

We were home about an hour and I was in the garage doing some stuff, and he tried to close the door on me. When I called out, “Hey!” He was startled, apparently he didn’t know I was out there. Anyway, he said he was looking for me, to tell me he was going into the shop. I waited a little while and he came out again with a small hand saw. I asked him what he planned to do with it, and he told me he wanted to see if it worked. He walked toward my lilac bush to start sawing on it – I stopped him and he said okay, I’ll find something else to cut. We talked a minute more, and he turned around, grabbed one of the lilac branches and raised the saw. “Hey! DO NOT cut my lilac bush!” He muttered something about having no control over anything and stomped off to the shop to put the saw away. When he came into the house he laid down on the sofa and slept for almost 30 minutes. Then he ate a grilled ham and cheese sandwich I made for him, headed for the family room and then to bed. Now it’s my turn to turn off the lights.

Calm & Quiet

Romans 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I was up by 6 and outside by 6:30, working on the raised garden beds – at this rate I might get done for next year! I worked on different aspects of the sections for about 3 hours, and then it was just to hot to continue. From there I sat under the gazebo for a while, then I transplanted some trees I had begun last spring, from seeds.

I really want to get a greenhouse, and I have almost convinced myself to purchase the only one I can find right now – it’s over $2,000! no heater, no shelves, nothing, just the structure; and it will have to be put together. And that is what’s holding me back. Mike can’t do it, I don’t think I can, and I have to make sure I would have someone who could & would do it for me.

Mike slept very late today it was at least 10:30 – 11:00 before he came into the living room, and he immediately sat on the sofa and went to sleep. He woke up for a little while, had half a cup of coffee and right back to sleep. Woke up again, about 1 and decided he wanted some oatmeal, after it was fixed, he decided it was to hot to eat – and he laid back down and went back to sleep. It was almost 2 before he ate.

Mike decided to look online for someone to do the keys for the jeep, I am probably going to have to remind him he’s not allowed to drive anymore. Thankfully, Robert put the ride mower away this morning, and I think Mike’s forgotten about that for the moment. I have those keys hidden also.

Mike didn’t push today, or have any upsets. I am thankful for that, and it’s been so long since he’s blown up about anything I am seriously holding my breath ……… waiting. Blowing up hasn’t been his norm, but in this last year it has become just that. Every little thing has set him off, and now it’s been almost 2 months since the last major upset. Maybe it’s over? Maybe? Calm and quiet are prevailing for the time being.

Button, Button, Who’s got the … key?

Romans 14:19 Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.

Sweetheart Abbey, Dumfires, Scotland, August 2017

I was up by 7 and out the door to take the trash to the curb. Then I walked into the backyard and checked out the garden. Mike needed to be up by 9:45 so I went inside and sat with a cup of hot tea and enjoyed the quiet. After I woke Mike, he came to the living room at 10 and laid down to sleep again. At 10:15 I had to wake him again, so he could take his morning meds. He was picked up at 10:30 and I left right after the guys. I ran to Walmart, picked up a couple more raised garden bed sections, checked to see if they had a trailer jack with a wheel and they did not. I went from there to Harbor Freight, same; and Home Depot, same.

I got home 30 minutes before Mike was dropped off and I went to the back yard, found a hand truck and I was able to move the sections by myself. From there I moved a 3 cubic yard bag of potting soil to the 1st raised section and hoisted the bag into it. Now that soil is in the section.

I heard the vehicle that brought Mike home, so I went into the house and made sure the front door was unlocked. Mike sat down and went right to sleep – with his flannel jacket on! I am so warm, and he is laying there shivering! He slept until Robert and Alycia came in and we managed to get him awake by sitting there talking. Then I gave him the letter.

The letter, basically says: due to the advancement of your dementia no driving a vehicle, a ride mower, or using power tools. Mike was extremely upset, and I think the reason he didn’t fully blow a gasket was because of Robert & Alycia. Mike paced, muttered several things, was insistent he wasn’t that bad and said he hadn’t lost any ground. I told him he was wrong. Then he blurted out, “It’s a hell of a thing when you’ve lost control of your life at the end of it!” I feel sorry for him, but there is nothing I can do to change what is happening to him. All I can do is be there to care and keep him safe!

Mike fell asleep again in the middle of his mutterings and he was trying to keep warm. He had his arms wrapped around himself and was almost in a ball sitting up! I covered him with a blanket and he finally relaxed and went into a deep sleep, snoring all the way. About 3 hours later, he got up and asked for the key to the ride mower. I told him Robert had planned to move the mower and he had the key. Mike went back to the family room. 15 minutes later he was back asking for the tractor key. Again I told him, Robert has the key, again he went back to the family room. A third time he asked and I told him to sit down a minute while I text Robert – and I ran upstairs to get his evening meds – Robert stated he did, indeed, have the mower key.

Mike is now back in the family room, getting ready to go to sleep for the night. I will finish my cup of hot tea, and go to sleep myself.

He’s a bit testy today

Romans 14:17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Waterfall at the Fairy Pools, Isle of Skye, Scotland

Mike was up at 9 this morning and didn’t get dressed. He sat on the sofa in his robe. Then he asked what was going on today, I told him Bennett House. He got very upset and asked if this was going to be his life from now on! I told him it’s what the doctor wants him to do and he was angry and stated, “Well no one asked ME what I wanted!” I told him he could take it up with the doctor and I would be happy to make an appointment for him to go in. He dropped the subject and went to take a shower.

In a much better mood, he was ready to go about 11 but then refused to get into the car. He said he didn’t have to leave the house yet, and he was going to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee. I didn’t say anything, I just gathered my stuff together and prepared to leave. Finally, at 20 after 11 he said “okay, let’s go” and we took off. Once I got him there, I was super busy, I went from the Bennett House, to the doctor’s office, to the bank, the electric company, bought groceries, got them home, put away and back to pick him up by 2:30. He wanted a strawberry shake, so I took him to Baskins Robins, got him a shake, then off to the chiropractor. We finally got home at 5 and he went to the family room to watch tv for the rest of the evening.

I was not able to give Mike the letter from the doctor today – to much going on, and timing wasn’t good. I will have to do it tomorrow. Our son is planning to be here at 1:30, depending on how his morning & early afternoon goes, and once he arrives I will give the letter to Mike.

I have 90 minutes tomorrow to finish my errands. Mike gets picked up at 10:30 and I have to be back home by noon, so I am here when he get dropped off again. I had one person tell me to take some time for myself and I can honestly say I get to do that once in a while. Usually on a Monday. I meet friends, have coffee, and good visits. Otherwise, I am busy around the house and yard. I’ve been cleaning the garage, putting together my raised garden beds, and organizing my closet. Progress is slow, because I am doing all this alone, but I am moving forward as much as possible.

Busy Day

Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

From the USS Missouri, Looking over toward the USS Arizona

I have to laugh at myself! Today I got Mike up and we left the house for the chiropractor, only to discover our appointment is for tomorrow afternoon! Yikes! I am going to have a super busy day.

However, today wasn’t a slow one, by any means. After we left the doctor’s office, Mike and I went to Elmer’s for breakfast and then home and I got busy. I spent 4+ hours working in the garage and got almost 2/3 of a 3 car garage finished. The last 1/3 is going to be a hum dinger! That section is probably going to take me as long to do as the previous side; maybe even longer.

I got the basket set in the shelves in the master closet and I did a load of laundry. Mike slept for most of the time I was working in the garage and when he finally did wake up he came out looking for me because he couldn’t find me. There is a deep sink in the garage that I got for using in a greenhouse (when I finally get one) and every time Mike walks out there he pushes for me to get rid of it. (isn’t it interesting how some things just keep in the memory when everything else is fading away to nothing?) I finally snapped at him and told him, “That’s mine! I’m keeping it! Quit trying to get rid of it!” He was upset that I ‘attacked’ him and I’m sorry he felt that way, but he’s already forgotten about it. I do need to make a decision about which greenhouse I want to get – for this year it will probably get put together and I will be able to begin using it next year.

All in all, it’s been a great time of no major issues – unfortunately, that will most likely end tomorrow afternoon. I have to tell him the doctor gave me a letter stating that Mike isn’t to drive anymore. I will need to tell him after the chiropractor and before Wednesday night service.

Quiet Memorial Day

Romans 5:1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ

Trees at the zoo in Honolulu

Mike was up at 9:30 and fell asleep on the sofa until I woke him at 11. I got him to gather himself together and get to the car. I dropped him off at Bennett House and headed to Kohl’s from there I got my last shelf at Home Depot and went back to the house, put it up, one of Mike’s lunch friends showed up and cleaned our grill for us! Bless him. Then it was time to get Mike.

They told me he had slept all day, didn’t want to go outside, and never took his coat off! It was seriously warm, and he’s cold! He got into the car and asked me where we were going, I told him home. He looked puzzled. We got to the house and the grandkids wanted to swim, so I said okay – it’s still to cold in my opinion, but they’re kids. The had a good time and were in the water for about an hour.

After they left, Mike walked into the kitchen and then started to call my name, I asked him what he needed and he said he couldn’t find me. I told him I am sitting in the chair where I was when you walked into the kitchen. He came into the living room and looked at me and told me he had forgotten where I was. A few minutes later he started to go to the family room and called my name again. I said I’m sitting in the same chair as before – he walked into the living room, looked at me, and told me he had forgotten where I was. 😦

I didn’t do much in the way of my projects today – my body was crying for a break and I gave in. I am very sore, everything hurts, and I am walking very slow and like I am fragile. But I think a couple of ibuprofen and early night to sleep will go along way to helping that.

Today is our son’s birthday, he’s 51 and I wish him the best.

Getting it done

John 16:33
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

Part of the beauty of the Fairy Pools, near Portree, Isle of Skye, Scotland

It was a typical day for Mike. He slept late, came into the living room and fell asleep on the sofa and was there until 1 pm

For me, I was up at 6:30 and out at the garden. I got the broken connector fixed and proceeded to finish the sides. I still have to staple the heavy mesh onto the outside edge of the boards, but that will take just a little time. I took a break about 9. I had a large glass of water and sat to read my book for a while. Then, I stepped into the garage to determine what I could begin on since I didn’t know how long Mike would stay in his room, and I had barely gotten out there, and Mike was looking for me – I went inside and sat while he laid down on the sofa and fell asleep. As soon as he was snoring regularly, I went back to the garage and began to move stuff around. I made some definite progress, and then I discovered I’d purchased the wrong size shelf holders! So I didn’t get as much done as I’d hope to today.

There is a ways to go, but I feel good about what’s already accomplished. Tonight I am hurting for sure.

There has been an extended period of good, and calm, around the house, and I am praying to keep it that way. A couple of times, Mike began to be upset, but he calmed down and things went forward smoothly.

Since I’ve been asking, and asking, for help with things and the help has been started and not completed, I am proceeding on my own and doing what I can, by myself. So, the raised garden beds, I am almost done with; there is a tall cabinet sitting at the top of my stairs that needs to be finished, and I don’t know what to do with it, I am going to maneuver it into the office and put it into place for now – I am probably going to have to pay someone to come in and finish it, but, doggone it, it’s been sitting there in this condition for almost 2 weeks now! I have been wanting the garage cleaned and organized with no offers from anyone to assist me, so I am climbing ladders & step stools, hanging shelving, moving heavy pieces of lumber up a ladder and onto the shelves, and on it goes. I am going to have to pay, big time, to have a sprinkler line put in. Just 1 line with a faucet is going to cost me $1500! But it needs to be done.

I will continue with my projects, and hopefully, I will find someone who is willing to help me with the heavier things.

Outside

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Mike in the gondola as we head back down the mountain. Queenstown, NZ October 2019

I was slow starting the day, today, but picked up speed in the afternoon. I was able to keep Mike outside with me for most of the afternoon, and he seemed to enjoy it, and didn’t sleep as much today.

I worked on my raised garden beds for over 4 hours today, trying to get the framework put together, it’s cheaply made, and breaks easily. After using gorilla wood glue on a broken connector, and it still didn’t hold, I will be nailing it together tomorrow!

Mike putzed around the pool and I got him to sit in the shade of the gazebo while I worked on the framework. I will, hopefully, be able to finish it up tomorrow. I am really late getting a garden in; but, when those who say they will help you do something, drop the ball, there’s not much chance of staying ahead of the game! Even if I don’t get a garden in this year, I will have things in place for next spring.

Because the plumbers were an hour early on Thursday, I didn’t get to the market, so I forgot we were out of bread – Mike and I went to Elmer’s for dinner, and we got the prime rib – I don’t recommend it. I should have stuck to the strawberry / chicken salad. We left to go home, and I didn’t even think about stopping at the market, so I still don’t have any bread!

In the meantime, I do have a need to get some sleep.

Quiet Day

Luke 19:38 saying: “ ‘Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord!’ Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”

Mike in one of the gondola’s Queenstown, NZ October 2019

It is after midnight, and I am still wide awake – we didn’t do much today. After Mike got up, he just wanted to stay home today. I had 2 errands I had to do, so I promised him an apple fritter to go with me.

I went to Walmart to get pool chemicals and then to the credit union – we stopped to get his pastry at the end and we got back to the house just 55 minutes after we’d initially left. Mike slept and I read a book, played on the computer, talked on the phone with a couple of folks, and basically sat all day.

Tomorrow I am going to work on my raised garden beds – 2 of the brackets had gotten broken and it’s been sitting for over a week waiting to be finished. I am hoping it will be warm & dry enough to work on it. Otherwise, I guess I’ll just have to wait longer.

All in all today was very quiet, other than our morning outing, we didn’t go anywhere, I guess I should shut down and try to sleep.