Confusion is the rule, not the exception

Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones

Flowers after rain

This weekend we are spending at Stone Ridge golf course resort. We have a lovely little place all to ourselves, and nothing is required of us while we’re here.

Mike had a hard time waking up, and tried, several times, to cancel this outing. I convinced him he could sleep on the way, and he finally agreed. I got our clothes together, packed, and loaded into the car. Mike slept. Then we drove here, and he was mostly awake; however, he went to sleep as soon as we were in the door and he could lay down.

He was very confused, he kept asking how much do we owe, and I kept telling him nothing – we were given a gift of the weekend to relax. He kept looking at me, not understanding. When we were getting ready for bed, he kept asking for pillows. I told him they were on the bed, he said I know that, but I need pillows! Turns out he wanted water.. he told me several times he felt very confused and maybe we should go home. No, we’re here until Monday morning. (Robert is working on a project and Mike needs to be out of the house)

Mike wanted to watch TV, so I turned it on for him. He laid on the sofa dozing off and on while the movie played. He wanted blueberry pie and ice cream for dinner, so I purchased a pie and baked it for him, he went to sleep before he had any. Maybe he’ll have some for breakfast 🤔

I’m thinking this will be our last overnight outing, we do have a Christmas dinner, with the firefighters, the 1st week of December, and even though I am preparing for it, I am not opposed to canceling to keep Mike in a best case scenario. The dinner is at the Davenport Hotel, in Spokane and if we go, we’ll spend the night rather than driving home on snowy roads. I’ll leave that option open for a while, but I’m not holding my breath in anticipation.

Everything I do now, I give the priority consideration to how it will affect Mike. He’s my number 1 concern and responsibility.

A little irritated, but not much

John 1:4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all people.

Grandkids, a couple of years ago

I had a fairly good night sleep last night. I got up this morning feeling better, and more refreshed, and ready to tackle the day. I was up about 2 hours before Michael got up, Kama and of course when he did he laid on the sofa and went back to sleep. He stayed there until it was time to go to the Bennett house and after we left he slept the whole time he was at the Bennett house. I had a few errands to run, and I went to the doctor’s offices and talked its couple people about Mike, I made it to Costco And staples, and I got home put things away and made it back to pick up Mike on time.

Mike went out to hamburger as we left the Bennett house, and the one place we picked was already closed, so then he said I’m not hungry let’s go home.. We got home and he laid on the sofa and went to sleep, and I began to unload the car. As I’m walking through the house I happened to look outside and see Mike sitting on the porch bench, and I opened the door and I said, “are you lost, little boy?” And he grinned at me and he held up a spoon of peanut butter and he said, “I’m hungry can I have something to eat?” I fixed a cup with chicken enchiladas, he ate one of them and left the other 1. Then he laid down on the sofa and went back to sleep. If not long after that, he decided it was time for him to go to bed, so I gave him his evening medications and if ning medications and 2nd night. Then he was back upstairs, he said I need a flashlight. I told him go ahead back downstairs, and I would get him a Flash light. As he headed downstairs Iran upstairs grabbed a Flash light came back down went all the way down to the family room area and Mike was just they and Michael was just getting into bed. I put the flashlight on his nightstand, covered him up, turned out delights, and went back upstairs. As I’m sitting there getting ready to have a cup of hot tea, here comes Mike again. Well. When I asked him what was going on he said it was time for him to sleep on the sofa. I told him no, he needed to go to bed because I wouldn’t be able to sleep if he were laying there snoring all the night . He got really upset with me is me, and told me I was being totally unreasonable, and he should be allowed to do whatever he wants. I told him now he doesn’t get to do what he wants I’m sorry, but it’s time for you to go back to bed. Finally he did.

And now here it is almost 11:00 p.m. and I’m still awake because it took me so long to get him settled back down, And now it’s my turn to be able to settle down

You’re not the boss of me

James 2:17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is 1st of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

I love capturing flowers in photos

It was a somewhat peaceful day. Once I finally got Mike to bed, last night, he slept until 11:30 this morning, came into the living room and slept, on the sofa, until almost 1pm. I woke him to go to the chiropractor, he was a little grumpy. After the appointment we went to Old European for lunch, and there was so much food, we each ended up bring home leftovers. On the way out of the parking lot, Mike opened the car door! I stopped, found out he couldn’t get his seat adjusted. I convinced him to close the door and then I moved out of the driveway and parked. I got out and went around the car and adjusted his seat for him and off we went. (I dont know if there’s a way to lock the passenger front door, but I need to find out!)

I did a couple more stops, then home. Mike took a nap as soon as he could after getting in the house, when he woke up he wanted to take a walk, so we walked to the end of the driveway and back. Mike has never been a hand holding type of guy, but now, when we walk, he holds on tight.

Getting back to the house he started to get angry with me. He wanted his night meds at 6:30 and I told him no, not before 7:30. He demanded I leave extra meds on the coffee table for him to take when he decides. I told him no. His response was, ” you’re not the boss of me!” 😶😶 I didn’t say anything, but yes I am. At this point he is no longer capable of caring for himself.

I almost have the room ready for him on the main floor. The box springs and frame are in the upstairs hall and the mattress is propped against my bedroom wall. This weekend, Robert will get it together and Mike will then be on the main floor of the house. He’s not going to be happy, but that’s the way it has to be.

I am in uncharted waters, and I am praying for guidance as I go through this time

His needs

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me

A peony from my spring garden

Mike woke me at 3:15. He was calling for me, and when I made it downstairs he was sitting on the sofa with tears in his eyes. “I couldn’t find you” I assured him I was here, I hadn’t gone anywhere and I convinced him to go back to bed. I walked with him back to his room, helped him get into bed and covered him with a blanket. I turned out the lights as I headed back to my bed. He had almost every light in the house turned on!

Once I got back to my bed it took about an hour for me to fall asleep again. I was up at 7:30 for the day, and when I got downstairs, Mike was asleep on the sofa! (sigh)

I made myself a cup 9f tea and went back to my room, and not to long after I heard him calling me. He needed help getting dressed. I had to help him take his jeans off and turn them around and then help him get them back on; next was his shoes & socks. I got the shoes untied, he put them on and I retired them for him. Finally he was ready to go to the Bennett House. He slept the whole time there and only woke up when I got back to take him home. The afternoon was hectic. I was busy taking care of the things he needed, and I barely had time to sit down myself.

Mike finally went to bed at 7: 30, abd I was so very tired. By 8:15 I had gone to my room and prepared to go to sleep, and I heard Mike downstairs. When I checked on him, I tried to encourage him to go to bed, but he refused and went to sleep on the sofa. Now at 9:30, he’s snoring like a chainsaw and I am going to try, again, to have him go back to his bed.

A rough day

Galatians 3:26 So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.

Going down to the family room ☹

I am working as fast as I can to get things changed over for Mike to be on the main floor of the house, and not to have to use stains anymore. I can only do so much alone, and Robert has been helping but we have to do it on such a way that it’s completed before Mike knows what is going on.

This morning when Mike got up he had on his shirt, a jacket, his under shorts and socks. He kept telling me he was looking for apples. I had no idea what he wanted, and I tried to help him look, but what do I look for? Finally! He held up his shoes and said here they are. 😮 As he stood there holding them up for me to see I asked him where are your pants? He looked puzzled, looked down at his legs, and said, “where did they go??” I told him they were probably downstairs and I would go with him to find them. He said okay. We went down, walked into his room, he told me he was going to bed and climbed in.

Robert came to the house about 8:45 and I left at 9 to do some errands. While I was out, Mike’s attorney called me. He’s told me Mike MUST be told he needs a guardian and he has a right to go to court! This concerns me, if Mike gets super upset and angry, he may act out and then I wouldn’t be able to keep him home anymore. I don’t want to compromise the attorney, but I don’t want to upset Mike. What am I to do??

Mike’s been hallucinating a lot lately. Today he asked me about the kids in the pool. He asked me if the accountant had done a good job, he wanted to know why everyone was in the house (it was just the 2 of us) and he asked about the measurements of the gw8ait smidgen thksur dnsk ( total gibberish) then he yelled at me and said I was being extremely difficult (sigh) After this he want to bed.

Today I am feeling my age. I ache, my joints ache, my feet hurt, and I am exhausted. I have been up & down the stairs a hundred times in the last couple of days and I will, most likely, have to do a hundred more tomorrow.

Maybe the attorney is right. Maybe I need to tell Mike and let the chips fall where they may. My heart breaks 💔 😢 He’s losing ground so rapidly.

He’s hallucinating

Psalm 12:6 And the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, what gold refined 7 times.

Mike this morning

Mike was asleep on the sofa when I got up this morning. Robert came over and sat with him while I ran over to spectrum to return the modem for the Internet. While Michael slept, Robert was able to move the victorola from the sitting room to the living room.

After I got Mike to the Bennett house, I met a girlfriend for lunch and we went to sushi and it was delicious; when I got back to pick up Mike, I found out he had slept the whole day. When we got home, he immediately went back to sleep, and he stayed that way for a few hours.

The evening was pretty rough, Mike kept seeing people in the house and he kept asking me why were the men yelling at him. It took me quite a while to convince him there was no one else in the house but him and me. He finally said OK, and then I ended up having to have Robert come over to help me put Mike to bed.

I had given Michael his evening medications, and he had gone to bed, but he came back upstairs for some reason and couldn’t remember why. He started to lay down on the sofa, and I told him it was time for him to go to bed, so he said OK got up and started to go downstairs and had a major difficult time. I convinced Mike to sit on his bottom and scoot down the steps so he didn’t risk falling. He agreed, and sat down and worked his way slowly down the stairs. But by the time he got to the bottom, he was too tired to go much further, so he just lay down on the floor. Robert came over and helped him get up, and put him into bed for me, and make sure that Mike was settled and turned out the lights. By that time I was so exhausted from just getting him down the steps that I couldn’t do much more by myself. I was thankful Robert was closed by to be able to help.

I shed a few tears, my DIL got a cool cloth and wiped my face and arms, and I got a glass of cold water, now I am ready to crash for the night.

He went back to sleep

1 Corinthians 3:16 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s spirit lives in you?

Mike was up at 6 thinking he had an appointment. I told him no, and suggested he go back to bed. He did.

He was up again at 9 wanting to know what day it was. I told him Sunday, and asked him if he wanted to eat. He said no, I’m going back to bed.

I decided to work on a project for Christmas and I got to do it for 2 hours before Mike was up again. I gave him a large glass of water and he went back to bed.

Later he got up, and wanted to eat. I fixed him a bowl of stew, and he ate it all, and went back to bed.

He decided at 6:30 to go to bed for the night, and I woke him at 7:30 to give him his evening meds, and he went back to bed.

I checked in him about 9:30 and he’s sound asleep. I’ve checked the doors and made sure all was locked and alarmed. Now I’m going to sleep.

Peace & Quiet

2 Peter 1:2 Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

Mike sleeping on the sofa

Mike sleeping on the sofa; This is where he spends almost all of his time. He told me this morning, he was tired from working on the car yesterday. He didn’t do anything, he looked under the hood, he tapped the battery a few times with a screwdriver and that was it. However, he thinks that he did a lot, and I’m not going to tell him anything different.

This today was a quiet and easy day, he slept most of the day, and then the mechanic called and said my car was ready. I got ahold of my daughter-in-law, and she met me at the car rental place so that I get returned the rental.. And then she took Mike, and me, up the road to pick up my vehicle from the mechanic. I was thrilled that the cost to fix my car was only $60. If yet the whole thing cost me well over $500, because the car rental was so doggoned expensive.

Once we got that comb, Mike laid down again on the sofa to sleep, After about a 1/2 an hour he stood up, spread a blanket out on the floor, in front of the fan, and went back to sleep for another hour or so.

He got up about 7:00 p.m., and decided it was time to go to bed for the night. I went downstairs to his room and checked on him, and make sure everything was OK as he climbed into bed for the night.

I am very thankful that today was fairly quiet, and peaceful. I am at the point where I want no drama, no confrontation, no arguments, I just want to maintain peace and quiet.

I need prayer

Romans 10:13 For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

Mike, wanting to be helpful

Is what a day today was, totally and completely full, busy, exhausting. It started out early this morning, I called my daughter in LA Alycia, and asked for some Coca-Cola. She brought over a leader bottle and I proceeded to pour some of the Coke onto the battery terminals that were all corroded Youth. Alycia then got some tools from the shop and she proceeded to scrub at the corrosion and she was able to get the battery undone. My car problem was not the battery, it’s turned out to be more the corrosion. Right now the car is with a mechanic getting checked over, to make sure it’s safe to drive and I’m not going to have any more issues.

I got Mike over to the Bennett house, youth and at house, and then I went over to the sheriff’s department and Matt Robert so we could be fingerprinted. This is another step in getting the guardianship/conservative ship for Michael. I had hoped to try to do one of the classes this evening, but the Internet is out and Robert’s not available to fix it for me so I’m stuck with not doing what I had planned.

Mike and I had a major disagreement today, he too if a, he told me I didn’t do anything around the house commaround the house, I told him my handle every single. He actually laughed at me and said You don’t handle anything,You don’t do anything at all. I told him I handle everything. I handle all the finances, all the house repairs, all the gardening, all the lawn care, all the everything, and he told me I was wrong.

I had to stop, I am wrong trying to tell him this; he doesn’t comprehend what’s going on, and it doesn’t help me either, just makes me want to cry with frustration.

I need to be stronger, and more patient. If I could get some time off, it would probably help, but I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon.

Belligerent

Romans 5:6 For when we were still without strength coma in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

A waterfall in Iceland

Today started out pretty good, I got Mike up at 10 to go to lunch with his guys Use, and then I was able to go with a couple of the wives and have lunch with them. I left the restaurant at 8 minutes after 12 and got home to meet up with the Ender’s sprinkler’s people, so that we could talk about the cost and placement of a couple of extra faucets and a new sprinkler line.

If Mike came home just about the time the sprinkler guys left, and he immediately went to sleep on the sofa in the living room. Since my verdict goal was trying to come back I finally got ahold of the chiropractor and I was able to get in to see him this afternoon and had an adjustment, and the dizziness has gone away. After the chiropractor, Mike decided he just wanted to go straight home so that’s where we went, park the car in the garage and went to the house. If about an hour later Mike decided he wanted to go to elmers for some dinner youth for some dinner, I went out to the garage Just to start the car, there was a slight pop under the hood and the car was dead.Just to start the car, there was a slight pop under the hood and the car was dead. No lights, no radio, nothing. This Robert came over and tried to jump start my car and it just would not accept a charge at all.I ended up going to thrifty car rentals to rent a vehicle for at least A-day, at the cost of $200 A-day I’m going to do everything possible to get the car back to them tomorrow.

I called auto club to have the car towed over to the Walmart in Post Falls to get the battery replaced, and I found out that my auto club card has expired, and I’m going to have to go to the bank and transfer some monies around so that I can handle paying for the auto club card, for the car rental, and for a new battery for my car.

I got the last car on the Thrifty car lot and I was happy to get it, and as soon as I got home Mike decided he was still wanting to go to Elmer’s to get some dinner. We ended up getting the wild Alaskan Cod, and Michael wasn’t able to finish his dinner.

Then, after we got home this evening, Mike became very agitated and very belligerent. I gave him his evening medications and I tried to get him to go down to his bed, but he absolutely refused and got very, very angry. He undressed in the living room, put a blanket on the sofa, and proceeded to lay down on the sofa. When I told him he needed to go to bed he totally, and royally, blew up and started screaming at me. He yelled, “I am not an infant; you don’t have the right to tell me anything!” By this point I was so extremely frustrated I just wanted to scream myself, but that wouldn’t have accomplished anything except give me a sore throat.

I’m tired, I need some time to just rest, I need to have a break from all the heavy, heavy responsibilities, but there’s no one to give me a break.

So tomorrow, on my 2 hours off, my break, I get to go deal with car issues. 🥴